When a second child arrives

Your first child is two, three, four years old. The desire to enlarge the family is becoming stronger. If some parents keep this secret desire until it materializes, others will be tempted to share it with their child. Even, to involve him fully in the ultimate decision. But if one can ask the elder what he wants, it is not to him that the last word comes back. "We can exchange on the desire, but we must not give the child the impression that it is he who chooses," warns Elisabeth Darchis. Everyone stays in his place. A yes or no is structuring for the child; to let him decide between the yes or the no would be on the contrary overburden him with a heavy responsibility.

Nausea, fatigue, sometimes even a small belly belly: the first signs of pregnancy are installed. When to tell your elder about this pregnancy? "It all depends on the age of the child, his character," says Elisabeth Darchis. But also, parents, and their willingness to announce more or less early the news to the entourage. However, it is best to wait for the first ultrasound to be sure the baby is fine. A young child for whom long months can seem an eternity, we can wait a little longer. Unless he senses that "something" is happening. "To tell him that he is wrong would be harmful and disrupt his relationship to reality," warns the psychologist. And when the time comes, do not announce the news between two doors.


What word to use to announce the news? There is no magic formula, but a state of mind to keep in mind: positive. "You have to give your child the happiness of having a brother or a sister, the richness of having a sibling," says the psychologist. Then the words will flow naturally to announce this "good" news - not to justify or apologize, as a parent, for having a second child. Because the child, true "sponge" is used to say, may feel the anxiety - that of parents - lurking under this type of speech clearing.